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How to Rob

How to Rob is a 1999 song from 50 Cent (that I just discovered). It's apparently what initially put 50 on everyone's radar. 

Aside from being a great track, its approach is interesting: 50 envisions himself robbing the world's biggest hip hop and R&B artists (at the time), one by one. The song's Wikipedia page even lists out each artist that 50 targets (in the order in which they are mentioned):

  • Lil' Kim
  • P Diddy
  • Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston
  • Brian McKnight
  • Keith Sweat
  • Cardan
  • Harlem World
  • Mase
  • Ol' Dirty Bastard
  • Foxy Brown and Kurupt
  • Jay-Z
  • Case
  • Trackmasters
  • Slick Rick
  • Stevie J
  • Big Pun
  • Master P
  • Silkk The Shocker
  • Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith
  • Timbaland and Missy Elliott
  • Joe
  • Jermaine Dupri and Da Brat
  • DMX
  • Treach
  • DJ Clue
  • TQ
  • Raekwon, Ghostface Killah and RZA
  • Sticky Fingaz
  • Fredro Starr
  • Canibus
  • Heavy D
  • Juvenile
  • Blackstreet
  • R. Kelly (though not by name, is referenced within the lyrics)
  • Boyz II Men and Michael Bivins
  • Mike Tyson and Robin Givens
  • Mister Cee
  • Busta Rhymes and the Flipmode Squad
  • Kirk Franklin

My favorite two lines turn out to both be fat jokes (which I normally don't condone). On Big Pun:

I'll rob Pun without a gun, snatch his piece then run
This n____ weigh 400 pounds, how he gonna catch me, son?

And on Missy Elliott:

Run up on Timbaland and Missy with the pound
Like, "You, give me the cash; you, put the hot dog down"

The song apparently won 50 both a bunch of admirers and a slew of enemies, which is not surprising. All of the lyrics are on Genius.

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